Tuesday, 29 October 2013

My Journey To "Freedom" by Joyce Fraser

I broke free from the "Cycle of Violence"
Domestic Violence
Today I ask myself what is Domestic Violence. It can be Physical, Sexual, Psychological or Financial.
What is the cause of Domestic Violence?
In my case, my abuser chose to be violent to get what he wanted and to gain control. I knew the risk of staying longer would be very high, simply leaving the relationship didn't guarantee me that the violence would stop. My abuser gradually got worse and worse, often involving severe physical and sexual abuse. Then followed the remorse, pleas of forgiveness, the flowers and my abuser promises never to repeat the violence. Eventually tension builds up again to further abuse.
The abuse can take varied periods of time but tends to speed up the longer the relationship lasts. My perpetrator continued using a pattern of power and controlling his expressions of remorse as a tool to absolve himself from responsibility. He would manipulate me into staying in the relationship. Perhaps I blamed myself for his violence?
The cycle of violence towards me by the abuser was done behind closed doors where my children also lived 10 years of domestic violence, which was wrong of me to have to look into the tearful eyes of my Daughter and my Son and try to explain to them why I have bruises and cuts. How many more doors could I tell them I banged into? I love my children so much. Each and every day I lied to them, saying I fell, banged into doors etc and one day my tearful Son said to me "Why do you scream and cry for help?" I realised that although my children didn't witness it, they heard it all. And from that second of that day as a Mother I realised that I had a care of duty to protect my 2 children.
So I broke the "Cycle of Violence" so that it would not carry on to the next generation of my family. My 2 children who are adults themselves now realise it was wrong and actively reject violence of all kinds.
Today I have moved on with my life. I live in a hostel starting all over again, violence free. My 2 children are so settled with my life and especially their own lives. And all because I broke the "Cycle of Violence". My abuser could no longer make excuses in advance for his own violent behaviour.
My new life in Signposts One is really good. A special Thank You to Managers and all dedicated staff who have given me support and keyworker Terence who has given me the courage and strength o live my life without violence in it.
So Thank You Signposts Management and Staff.

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